Broken Heart
by Eruname16
Summary: Gojyo has gone missing. Two men have taken it upon themselves to try and make Gojyo into another person. How far will Gojyo hold out before he starts believing the lies that the men have been spinning?
1. Chapter 1

He wasn't sure how long it had been since he was taken. He had tried to count the days but when he was kept inside with only artificial light, it was hard. He could only go by when they turned the lights off, but he wasn't sure if they turned them off at the end of the day, the middle of the day, or after a couple of days. Being not able to see the sun made it almost impossible to count the days. He could only guess. However, he knew that it had been at least several months, other than that, he wasn't sure.

He stood obediently behind the two men that had taken it upon themselves to try to turn him into a new person. He looked at the screen they were talking about. He wasn't sure if his heart skipped a beat or dropped to the floor. It was the one person that he wanted to see over anyone else. He knew this didn't bode well.

He had long since learned not to show that he knew who Hakkai was when they showed him a picture. It had taken him a long time to be indifferent when he was shown a picture of this one person, the other people in his former life it was easy to pretend that he didn't know them. Both the men turned around to see if he had recognised their uninvited guest. A pleased little smile played around their lips. He wanted so badly to wipe those smiles off, but he couldn't. He had to play along in hope of having any chance of being free again. He guessed that this was some kind of test. A test that he needed to pass, if he wanted a s chance in being able to leave this building and have a little bit of his life back. After that he didn't know what he was going to do. He would still be under their control.

One of the two men held out his hand with a com in it, "Put this on and do what we tell you."

He took the offered com and placed it into his ear. It went all the way in; no one would be able to see it, unless, they were looking right into his ear. He really didn't have a choice; they had made that clear to him at the beginning. He would have to listen to what they say, and do what they want him to do until he finds a way out of their clutches.

"Also, take this with you and give it to that man. He will understand what has happened and realise that he isn't wanted here." This time it was the other man that held out his hand. He was holding the leather wrist band, the one he had worn every day since it had been given to him. He would never leave the house without it on. He didn't want to give it back; it would hurt him more than he was ever willing to admit.

He took it from the man's hand knowing that he couldn't do anything else. He held it like he didn't care about it, which pleased the two men. He wanted to show them that he hadn't taken to the procedure that they had tried on him and he hadn't forgotten who he was before he was taken, but he knew all too well what would happen if he did.

He turned on his heel and headed for the elevator. He pressed the call button and waited for it to come up to his floor. He knew well enough that there were cameras everywhere, so he couldn't let his guard down. Not until he was in the elevator, it was the only place that they hadn't installed cameras.

When he heard the ding of the elevator, he got in and leaned against the wall after pressing the button that would take him down to the right floor. He gave a heavy sigh once the doors closed and rubbed his forehead. He didn't want to do this.

The elevator gave a small jerk as it started to descend; he looked at himself in the reflective metal on the walls. He didn't look like himself; in fact he thought that he looked far from it. He still half expected to see the fire red hair being reflected back at him, but it wasn't there anymore, instead there was jet black dyed hair. Even though he never really liked that colour of his hair, but he had gotten used to it and came to like it in his own way. It was no longer shoulder length; they had chopped it off so that it was only a couple of inches long. He had fought them the whole way when they started to cut it off, even more so when they tried to dye it. Now the twin scar lines on his face his stepmother had given him were visible for the whole world to see.

After they had dyed his hair they had waited a while before making the next change to his appearance. They waited till they had received some positive results that would tell them that he was falling under their control. They had told him that he would need to change his eyes, but they would let him choose the colour, anything in the _normal_ range for eye colours. They had laid out a tray of different-coloured contacts. He had taken his time looking through them. he really only looked at one section. He had been looking through the green section; he wanted to find the ones that were the closest to the man that he loved. He wanted something to look at in the mirror that would remind him of the man that he loved, the only person that he really, truly, cared for in this harsh brutal world. He found strength in those green eyes, the ones that haunted all of his dreams. The ones that he wanted to see clearly again. He wanted look into their depths and get lost in them once more.

Tearing his eyes away from his distorted reflection and looked disapproving at the cloths they are making him wear. Every time he looked at them he wanted to gag and rip them off. He never wanted to wear a suit in his life. Yes, he had worn dress shirts before, but always with the first few buttons undone, never tucked, and never with dress pants. Then there was the tie he had to wear, the only thing that he saw that it was fit for was to hang himself or someone else with it. First of all, it was not a colour that should be paired with the suit, and second it wasn't just a plain tie, there was some crazy design which he wasn't sure what it was. The jacket wasn't much better. It just managed to make him look like he was some kind of banker with control issues. No one could see the care that he had put into his body, nothing showed off all the hard work that he had put in to getting his body to look like it did. He felt ridiculous wearing such clothing.

He gave his head a shake. He knew he looked like a different person and no one he knew would be able to tell that it was him till they were close to him. Even then he doubted that they would be able to tell that it was him right away. He took a steadying breath; it didn't really help him feel any better. He felt sick to his stomach knowing what he was going to have to do once the doors to the elevator opened. He figured that he would lose the one thing that he held dear, he would most likely lose it with what he was going to have to do. He knew that it wouldn't be any better for the green eyed man that had come here looking for him. He gave another heavy sigh as he placed an expression of not really caring for the person who was on this floor. As the doors to the elevator opened, he stepped out to do the hardest thing he figured he would have to do.


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: **If you find any mistakes with what I have written, please do tell me, I would love to hear it and I will try to make those changes.

It had been almost six months that Hakkai had been looking for Gojyo. This was the first and only clue he had. It was the only sighting of Gojyo. The woman had said, they 'looked similar'. He had wondered what the woman meant by that. Gojyo's vermillion hair would be the one thing that would give it away. Hakkai didn't know anyone else with hair like that.

The woman said she thought that she had seen him, she gave Hakkai the address of the place where he was now. He had done the polite thing and knocked before entering, but received no response and the desire to find Gojyo was too strong to wait to see if anyone would show up. He had searched as much of the lower levels, some of the doors wouldn't open no matter what he did. He even tried picking the locks but that didn't help him, they still wouldn't open. He was starting to wonder if this really was the building she meant or if this was some kind of sick joke.

He was finding it a little off putting that he wasn't seeing anyone and more than slightly disturbing. He wanted to scream for Gojyo, he didn't want to give up looking till he had made it all the way through the building. Even then he wasn't sure if he'd give up. There hadn't been any sign of Gojyo since he went missing and Hakkai wasn't going to believe that Gojyo was gone for good, not till there was absolute proof that he couldn't get Gojyo back. Even if he was given absolute proof, he wasn't likely to believe it. He didn't think that he would be able to handle losing Gojyo. He might lose it even more than he already has.

He turned quickly on his heal when he heard the ding of an elevator. At the far end of the room a man with jet black hair stepped out. He hoped that it was Gojyo, but not seeing the vermillion hair, his hopes were dashed.

From this distance he couldn't make anything out but a man with short black hair in a suit. Hakkai walked slowly towards the man. He needed to ask the man if he had seen Gojyo around here, but at the same time Hakkai wasn't sure if he really should.

As he walked forward the only thing the man really did was light a cigarette. It took the man a little while before he walked slowly, almost lazily towards Hakkai. He couldn't see anything threatening about the guy's manner. As Hakkai got closer to the man, he could make out clearly the twin scar lines that he knew so well and the pain that went with them. He froze (desibleving, seeing correctly, right). Not sure he was seeing this. The scars on the face were the only thing really familiar. The red hair and eyes had both been replaced. He felt like he was looking in a mirror for the colour of the man's eyes. They were almost the same shade of green as his. It was more than slightly disturbing to see that colour on someone who looked like his Gojyo.

He felt his heart breaking when this man who looked similar to Gojyo, but the man didn't look liked he knew who Hakkai was. The smile he knew so well and used to seeing when Gojyo greeted him didn't play on the man's face. He now understood what the woman meant about this man looking like Gojyo. Yet, he wasn't willing to believe that it wasn't Gojyo. The smell of the man's cigarettes was the same as Gojyo's. Hakkai ache for that sent and when it hit his nose he was reminded of how their little flat didn't smell like that anymore. He missed the smell and wanted their little flat to smell like that again. It was as addicting as the Gojyo himself. He wanted to know if Gojyo was pretending not to know who he was or if it really was a man impersonating Gojyo.

He definitely looked like Gojyo – minus the change to the hair and the eyes. However, he wasn't sure and wanted...no needed to know if it was true, "Go-Gojyo is that you?"

Hakkai closed his eyes; he couldn't stand looking at the confusion on the man's face. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream, it was even harder to hear the man speak and hear the voice that he knew so well. The one that haunted his dreams night after night, the voice that wouldn't leave him in his waking hours. "That isn't my name. If you need to know for future reference it's Kenren." he was haunted by Gojyo in every aspect, like a ghost that wouldn't leave.

Everything froze; he knew that it was Gojyo's voice. _It has to be him, but what has happened? How can he not know his own name or who I am? This has to be a bad joke, it just has to._ Hakkai thought.

He was struggling to think about what he could say to this man that resembles his love. He needed to say something, he had to know what happened to the man that he loves, but nothing was coming to him.

Before he could decide on what to say to him, he was being kissed. Yes, this was Gojyo, it tasted like him and the way that he kissed. He knew this all too well and missed it. He found himself leaning into the kiss, he couldn't help it. It felt so right and was welcomed. He could feel that Gojyo was putting everything into it. He couldn't help but moan into his lover's mouth, he knew that the rest was just a bad joke. He would try to find out _why_, from him later on why he had said those things. Right now he just wanted to enjoy the moment of finally getting Gojyo back. This was him; there was no longer any doubt in his mind.

Gojyo broke the kiss and it left Hakkai trying to catch his breath. Gojyo took a hold of Hakkai's hand as he stepped back and placed the leather wrist band into it. "I think that this belongs to you." Gojyo said as if he had not just taken part in the passion filled kiss. Hakkai's heart sunk faster than it had risen when Gojyo had kissed him.

He looked at Gojyo questioningly, it was the one thing that he had always wore. Hakkai had given it to him as a birthday gift a couple years ago. There were cracks in the leather from how much he had worn it. The only time that Hakkai had seen him take it off was when he had taken a shower or when he was working on his car. Being given this back broke his heart; it felt like it had been just shattered into a million pieces with no hope of ever becoming whole again. He had felt this pain before and Gojyo was the one to put all the pieces back together again. He couldn't take this. He didn't think that he could handle Gojyo leaving him. Ever since Kanan, Gojyo had been there for Hakkai, and he had been his whole world. Gojyo was the one who kept him from going crazy; he stayed himself all thanks to Gojyo. He could only mumble 'why', over and over again. He was starting to wish for death again, like when Kanan had died. It would be easier to take than having Gojyo walk away from him...

Gojyo didn't say anything; he just leaned over and gave Hakkai a brief kiss, with a soft mutter, so soft that Hakkai barely heard him, "I'm sorry. I don't have a choice, forgive me."

Hakkai had only heard that tone a couple of times, he could tell that it was hurting Gojyo as well. _How could this be hurting him, he choose to say those words. He has no right to feel hurt._

Before he could say anything more to Gojyo, turned and headed back towards the elevator as it chimed again. Out walked an attractive woman. Hakkai couldn't believe what he was seeing. Gojyo slung his arm around the woman's tiny waist after giving her a kiss on the cheek. They headed for a door only a few steps from the elevator _together_. Hakkai felt like someone was trying to stab needles into the remnants of his shattered heart.

"Gojyo? What is going on?" he called after them too stunned to do anything else. He didn't want to watch Gojyo walk away with _some_ woman.

Gojyo called over his shoulder, without looking at him, "My name is Kenren, not this Gojyo that you seem to be confusing me with." He left through the door before Hakkai had the chance to answer, letting the woman go first.

Hakkai wanted to scream and chase after him. His world was crashing around him. He couldn't stand this. He ran to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't move and there was no lock to pick. He tried calling after Gojyo to get him to open the door, but either Gojyo couldn't hear him or was ignoring him. He wasn't sure which option he hoped for. His legs gave out from underneath him, falling to the floor and leaning against the door, while silent tears streaked his face. He didn't move from that spot, he couldn't move from that spot. He didn't know how long he sat there before the tears stopped and he slowly got to his feet and left.

His mind was telling him that he should have expected this, he knew all too well that every time he found some shard of happiness it was taken away from him in the cruellest manner. He left undecided on what he should do. It seemed as though Gojyo didn't know who he was or his own name. He didn't know if he should take anything from Gojyo's apology or just let that go as well.


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: **If you find any mistakes with what I have written, please do tell me, I would love to hear it and I will try to make those changes.

Stepping out of the elevator Gojyo wanted to run and wrap his arms around Hakkai. He wanted to beg Hakkai to take him home. Wanted to tell him that this wasn't his idea. It pained him he couldn't do that. He knew all too well what would happen if he tried.

He had to keep them believing he had become someone else, otherwise, they would do what they had threatened at the beginning. They had told him when he was fighting against them they would kill Hakkai and make sure he watched them do it. They had showed him the room they would put him in to watch them kill Hakkai, slowly and painfully. They told him Hakkai would have no idea Gojyo was watching his death and Gojyo would not be able to stop it. He could scream all he wanted, there would be no way Hakkai would hear him. He knew that would destroy him. He knew he would be an empty shell at that point.

They had even taken him into town to where Hakkai was. He figured it had been about two weeks or so after since being taken. They had him pumped full of drugs, leaving him unable to move or speak. The back windows were tinted so no one could see in and there was a sheet of plywood between him and the front seats. The man was next to him pointed out the two men that were following Hakkai. Gojyo knew these men would take Hakkai from the crowded streets and they would most likely be the ones that would kill Hakkai.

He knew he couldn't let it happen, if it was in his power to stop. Knowing that Hakkai was still alive would be some comfort for him, not much, but maybe just enough to withstand what they were trying to do to him. He knew that the only way he would have a chance of seeing Hakkai again would be to let them think they had him believing that he was another person.

He knew he would have to keep himself in check In order to keep the nightmare they had promised from becoming reality.

"Make it look like you just went down there to have a smoke. Make it seem like you haven't seen that man yet." said one of the men through the comm.

He took out the pack which he kept in the breast pocket of his suit jacket and fished out his lighter from another pocket. The one and only thing he could be moderately pleased with was they hadn't tried to make him quiet smoking. It was the only thing he could really take comfort in, since he wasn't allowed to spend all day looking at his eyes in the mirror and having Hakkai's eyes staring back at him.

He placed the cancer stick between his lips and lit it, taking a long drag while his mind went back to the days Hakkai would get mad at him for using a beer can as an ashtray. He fought from to keep a smile coming to his face. He stood there taking in what little enjoyment the smokes would bring him and waited for his next set of instructions.

He kept Hakkai in the corner of his eye and watched him come closer slowly. He didn't have to wait long before the voice said, "Walk slowly and lazily towards him. You don't really care that he's here, even though he is trespassing." Gojyo heard a little snicker from the other man in the room. They were enjoying this way too much.

He knew if he had taken to the procedure they had tried on him, he wouldn't care who this person was, but he had the feeling Hakkai had been tricked to come here, for some sick joke at both of their expense. However, he followed his instructions.

He watched the slow recognition of his identity dawn on Hakkai's face. It was torture to watch and unable tell Hakkai who he was. As he walked closer he found it really difficult time not to give it away he was still of his own mind.

He finished the cigarette by the time Hakkai asked, "Go-Gojyo is that you?" Gojyo could hear the uncertainty in his voice. Hearing the uncertainty was hard to stand and it was even harder not to react to.

Gojyo wanted to say yes, but he had to wait till he was given instructions on what to say. He knew they would have some kind of script for him to follow. Hakkai had barely finished speaking when the voice was back, "Give him your name and tell him you don't know who he is talking about."

Gojyo started speaking before the men had finished, just so there wasn't any delay between Hakkai's question and his answer, "That isn't my name. If you need to know for future reference it's Kenren."

Gojyo really wished he wasn't wearing the contacts; he couldn't give a slight look to tell Hakkai it was him. He couldn't convey anything without being obvious and then _they_ would know for sure.

He watched the fear and disbelief come to Hakkai's face. He so badly wanted to wipe that off of Hakkai's face. He wanted to scream with how hard this was turning out to be. At the same time he had to give the sick bastards sitting a few floors up some credit. This was a good way to see if he had taken to the procedure. They never took into account the one thing that would allow him to fight off what they tried, was the person standing in front of him. For him knowing that Hakkai was alive and he know that Gojyo just didn't disappeared, there was a chance to be found. That gave him something to hold onto, something to fight them with.

The voice wasn't going to stay quiet very long; he hated the leash they had him on, "We have to prove a point to this man, so do what we want you to, even if you might find it a little off." He didn't really know what they were talking about, "You have to kiss him like he is your lover." He was more than willing to do that, but he knew they were just being cruel to Hakkai. This was going to hurt Hakkai more when he knew what else they were going to ask him to do.

Even though he was going to have to be part of this cruelty, there was no way that he could say no. To keep up the appearance of being someone else he knew that he would have to talk to them about this. Wrapped his arms around Hakkai brought him into a kiss. He tried to bring in everything he felt for Hakkai. There was no way it should've felt that good, knowing the pain that he was going to cause. He felt a pang of guilt when Hakkai started to kiss him back.

"Break the kiss and return the leather wrist band." He could hear soft laughter in the background; they seemed to be getting off on this. He didn't want to stop kissing Hakkai. He wanted it to go on forever. They really knew how to be cruel. He knew this would've brought up Hakkai's hopes up and giving him the leather wrist band was the worst kind of cruelty.

His whole body wanted to protest against the voice, he didn't want to do that, he knew what it would do to Hakkai. He broke the kiss reluctantly when he thought he wouldn't be allowed to prolong it without getting in trouble. He took a hold of Hakkai's hand and it felt as though everything moved in slow motion as he placed the leather band into Hakkai's hand. He felt his heart shatter and his breath caught. "I think this belongs to you." He said as indifferently as he could. It was the only way that he could get anything out.

It was even harder to watch Hakkai's facial expression. He wanted so badly to tell him, in some way, this wasn't his doing, he was being forced to do this.

"Why?" Hakkai began to ask over and over again, it made everything worse. He couldn't say anything.

"Say goodbye and meet _her_ by the elevator and then leave." The voice said.

He leaned over and gave him a kiss goodbye. This was the only chance that he had to include a personal message, "I'm sorry. This isn't my choice, forgive me." he said as quietly, in a voice that only Hakkai had heard before.

He turned and headed towards the elevator. He heard the ding in the silent room just as he reached the doors. Out stepped the woman that they had set up as his partner. He gave her a kiss on the cheek and placed his arm around her small waist. He walked both of them to the door next to the elevator. She neither looked at Hakkai nor acknowledged his presence. Once they were close to the door he heard a soft click of the door unlocking. The men were going to make sure Hakkai couldn't follow.

"Gojyo? What's going on?" Hakkai called after him.

He knew that he shouldn't look back, no he couldn't look back. He wouldn't be able to stand looking at Hakkai's face. He would most likely lose it, then there would be trouble. The only thing he could do was call over his shoulder, "My name is Kenren, not this Gojyo you seem to be confusing me with."

Pulling the door open he let the woman go first. As the door closed behind him he heard the lock engaged. Hakkai wouldn't be able to follow.

Shortly after he heard the door juddered, he wanted to go back to open it for Hakkai. He heard his name being called; it was torture being unable to do anything. All too soon for Gojyo, Hakkai stopped calling his name and everything went silent.

They kept walking down the hallway; he hadn't been given anymore directions. Going through the doors at the end of the hallway, they entered into streaming sunlight.

Gojyo have to cover his eyes. It was the first time that he had seen sunlight in several months. He no longer had tanned skin. He hadn't noticed how bad it until he stepped out into the sunlight and now looked like a ghost with how pale he was.

As the two of them stood there waiting for some kind of instructions, a black car pulled up and the driver motioned for them to get in. After the woman got in and Gojyo slid in. He didn't know where he was going. If they were taking him away from here, he figured he had passed the test. He would now have the chance to figure out how to get free from their control. He wasn't sure if he should really try because he felt like he just lost the only happiness that he had ever known.


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: **Sorry for taking a while to update. Hopefully I will be able to get a couple more chapters up in the next little while. Fingers crossed.

As Hakkai left the building he couldn't help but feel a little lost in the world. He didn't know what to do. He felt like he should take some comfort in knowing that Gojyo was alive, but he couldn't see how he would be able to ever get him back. Also, there were no guarantees that once he had Gojyo back he wouldn't be taken again or even remember who he was.

Hakkai sat in his car fiddling with the leather wrist band that Gojyo had given back to him. He wanted to throw it away and try to forget everything to do with Gojyo, but at the same time he wanted to hold onto the fragment he had left of him. Maybe one day he would be able to give it back to him, if he was lucky. But luck didn't seem to be on his side right now. Eventually, Hakkai just put the leather band around his wrist like Gojyo used to and drove off.

He didn't know where he was going; he was just driving. Driving helped to clear his mind, because he had to concentrate on the road. It was a good distraction from all of the whirling thoughts in his head. He found himself thinking to that fateful night, the one where everything had gone to hell.

_He had been running late. He was supposed to pick Gojyo up at the shop where he was working on his car. Gojyo was changing the body; it was the last thing that he needed to do before his car was finished. Hakkai had promised Gojyo up for the week that he was working on the car._

_Hakkai had texted Gojyo to let him know that he was running a little late, but he never received a reply. At first, he had just thought that Gojyo hadn't heard his cell go off, since Gojyo liked to play music a little too loud in the shop. But after a little while he started to get a bad feeling about Gojyo not responding. He had known that he should have called, that he should have made more of an effort to get there on time. He didn't even know if it would have made any difference in keeping Gojyo safe._

_When he did manage to get to the shop about half an hour late, there had been no sign of Gojyo. His cell had been sitting on the front seat of the car and the music had still been playing, and, like normal, it was too loud. Gojyo still would have heard his cell if Hakkai had called, though. Hakkai had looked around for Gojyo, but there hadn't been any sign of him. When Hakkai had looked at Gojyo's cell, his text message hadn't even been read._

_Hakkai had called their home number to see if Gojyo had already gone home and forgotten his cell. But there had been no answer. Now he had started to panic a little. Hakkai had gone out back to see if Gojyo had been having a smoke, and he hadn't been there either. Now Hakkai hadn't had any choice but to call the shop owner, as much as he detested the man. The owner might have convinced Gojyo to go for a drink with him because, after all, they were friends._

_Hakkai had had to go through Gojyo's cell to get the owner's number, but when he called him there had been no answer. He had left a message in hopes that the owner would get back to him quickly. However, it wasn't until the next day that the man returned his call. By that point it had been too late._

_Next he had called Sanzo's place to find out the last time that Sanzo had heard from Gojyo. He had struck out there as well. Sanzo hadn't seen Gojyo since the weekend. There had been no point in talking to Goku. The kid had been in school all day, and with Sanzo the remainder of the time. It would only have gotten him worked up and he hadn't needed that at the moment._

_At that point he hadn't known who else to call. He'd known that Gojyo had a habit of leaving for a couple of days at a time, but he hadn't done that since Hakkai had moved in. He couldn't see that happening anymore, but that would be something the police would say to him. With a history like Gojyo's it would mean that they would postpone the investigation for a couple of days, that is if Gojyo really was missing._

_He had called the police knowing that they might not do anything. He would have liked this to be an unnecessary cal,l but there had been something about this situation that just hadn't felt right. He had waited for the police to arrive, but they had taken their sweet time getting to the shop, and then he had spent most of the evening trying to convince them to open a case. They might have only agreed to open one because Hakkai hadn't dropped it until they had given in._

That night, like this night, he drove home on autopilot. He was so out of it that when he pulled into his parking space, he was shocked to see that he was actually home. He wasn't sure that he wanted to be here, but he didn't know where he should go. He knew that their home would feel emptier knowing that Gojyo was somewhere else, with _that_ woman. He had never thought that he would hate someone so much, without knowing who she was or what she did. But he was feeling hatred towards this unknown woman

He didn't know if she'd had her life stolen like Gojyo, or if she was working with the people who had made Gojyo think he was a different person. He wished this woman a paindful death for destroying his world. If he was completely honest with himself, he would love to be the one to cause her a painful death.

Opening the door to a place that had once held so much happiness, and seeing everything just the same as it had been that fateful night, he thought again that he should change the place around or move. He had stayed there just in case Gojyo came back home, and whenever someone would buzz to be let in he was always disappointed to hear someone else's voice.

There would be times when Hakkai would walk around the apartment talking to himself and imagining what Gojyo's responses would be. At points he almost convinced himself that the conversations were real and that Gojyo had actually been right there with him. It wasn't until he finished a conversation that he realised that none of it was real. He had never told anyone about the conversations, and he was sure that things would end badly for him if he didn't stop having them. He knew that he needed Gojyo back before things got too bad, but he just didn't know how to get him back.

Hakkai lay down on the bed, which he found too big, empty, and cold without Gojyo. He tried to think of any way he could get Gojyo back and have him know again who he was. Nothing came to him. His mind was blank and he felt totally useless.

He didn't sleep too well that night, and when he woke up the next morning he wasn't sure how he was going to function at work. All he knew was that it was going to be a long day. He wanted to call in sick and spend the day trying to think of how he could try and find Gojyo, but that would be abusing his position. He knew that he should call Sanzo and Goku, but he didn't know what kind of help they would be. And besides he wasn't sure if he really wanted them to know about this strange encounter with Gojyo yet. He wasn't going to tell the police because they had already given up and refused to do anything more. He was sure that they would only give him heck for trying to do things on his own.

By the time he had gotten ready for work, he was already behind his normal morning schedule. He made it to work just on time. He knew it was bad form to get to work just as they started, but at the moment he couldn't really care.

He knew that he didn't have too many appointments today, so he was going to have a lot of time to think. Technically he should really try to concentrate on his other work in between appointments, but he figured that no one would mind. It was doubtful that anyone would ask why he wasn't really doing his work; everyone knew that Gojyo was missing, and they would most likely just pass it off as something to do with that. Hakkai knew that he would have to maintain a certain level of work to keep his job. He'd worked so hard to get where he was, and it would be a waste to just give up now. Besides, Gojyo would never forgive him if he lost his job, especially after all of the effort he had put in to get where he was now.

No one had expected him to climb so quickly in the company after graduating from University. They hadn't thought that he would be able to do what was required of him, since he was a couple of years younger than all of his fellow classmates. The company had hired him just for an internship, and they had expected him to quit like every other intern they'd previously hired

What no one predicted was that he would throw himself into his work to forget what had happened to his adoptive parents and his sister. They had died in a house fire at Christmas because they had forgotten to unplug the lights on the tree. At the time he had been spending the night at Gojyo's. They had known each other for about a year back then and were only friends, but after the fire Hakkai ended up just staying at Gojyo's. He felt more comfortable there and somehow kept him grounded.

Hakkai was home-schooled so he was able to finish his remaining two years in less than a year. It was easier for him to tackle his school work than try to deal with the loss of the people who had raised him. To keep himself distracted he applied and was accepted to a university for a degree in computer programming.

As a child Hakkai had always been playing with computers, so for him it was only natural to go further. He would always find his way into the software's programming code and mess around with it. Hakkai would try to make it run faster or change its functions. After a short time he started to teach himself how to write his own programs. With these skills he was able to challenge most of the first year classes. All of the classes he did take would only hold his interest for a little while, and he would often work on his own and finish everything before the end of the semester.

When he was offered the internship he took it without any hesitation. It made it easier for him to get even further ahead in his classes. And by the end of each semester he would spend more and more time at work because there was nothing he would be able to do in his classes.

After he graduated there was only a short meeting with his employers, who asked him if he wanted to stay - even though the company owners did not think he would last very long. They thought he was going to burn himself out, but what they didn't know, and what he wouldn't tell them, was that Gojyo brought him back down to earth and made it possible for him to work as hard as he did.

During that long day at work all of the appointments were almost too quick. Hakkai half-wished that the appointments could have been longer. He needed to try to figure out what to do, but like the night before, he couldn't think of anything. Everything he did manage to think of would require things to happen by chance; none of them were real plans. He knew he needed to get a different perspective on this, but with his state of mind there was no way he was going to achieve that on his own. The only way he would get a different perspective was to talk to someone else, and the only person he felt he could talk to about this was Sanzo. Eventually, Hakkai decided he would call Sanzo once he got home or shortly after. He wasn't going to call him up while they both were at work.

Once he was home he tossed his car keys into the bowl on the little table next to the door. Hakkai resisted the urge to call out for Gojyo like he had done many times over the past six months. He knew that if he started to call out, it would be the start of another conversation that would only end when he realised he was having a conversation with himself.

Hakkai sat on the couch and pulled out his cell to call Sanzo. He wasn't really sure how much help it really was going to be, but he was out of ideas. He dialled the number and listened to the phone ring, hoping that Sanzo would pick up. It rang and rang, and eventually all he got was Sanzo's voicemail. Hakkai just hung up without even bothering to leave a message for Sanzo. He leaned back, defeated.

"Why does this have to be so hard? There should be an easy way to do all of this," he said aloud to himself while rubbing his forehead.

"You already know what you should do," came the all-too-familiar voice from the doorway.

Hakkai didn't turn around. "No, not again. You're not really there. You've never really been there, so what is going to make this time any different?" But he would entertain the idea for a little while; it did help him feel better for a short time, at least.

"If you know I'm not real, than why do you always start a conversation and want an answer?" Hakkai turned to look where he thought the voice was coming from. He thought he was hallucinating this time, because there was the redhead, leaning nonchalantly against the door frame to the living room. He took another look, and saw that all of the changes he had seen the day before had also taken place on the man leaning against the door frame.

"No. You aren't really there, are you?" Hakkai asked.

"Is there anything I could do to prove that I am here? I could say I'm here, but I don't think you would just believe that would you?"

"No, I wouldn't believe you if you just said that. Everything that you could possibly say would never prove it, because I know that you aren't really there." He couldn't turn back on the man behind him. There was no way Hakkai was going to believe the image of Gojyo was real, not after yesterday. It just couldn't be this easy, because if it was then Gojyo would have somehow been able to get out on his own.

"How can you tell if I'm real or not, if you're just gonna sit on the couch and not come and see for yourself?"

That got Hakkai to turn around to look at the man at the door. There was the familiar smile that played on Gojyo's face whenever he was trying to get some attention from him. Hakkai resisted the urge to leave the couch. He would have, if he'd only known that the man was real. He didn't want to get his hopes up.

"If you were real, you wouldn't be standing at the door. You'd be over here on the couch trying to convince me that you are real. Also, you would have something more to say about what happened yesterday, but this conversation isn't really getting us anywhere. You aren't really there, are you?" He knew he was really talking to himself. He knew that this wasn't going to help, that all it was doing was making him feel like he wasn't alone, a feeling that would only last until the conversation ended and he would end up feeling worse than before.

"No, I'm not really here, but you already know what you have to do. You already have an idea of what's going on. You've had it all along, just listen to it. It is the only way you will be able to get the real me back. Once you do, I will disappear. But until then you are gonna want me here to help you."

Hakkai fell shakily back onto the couch. He wanted to cry, but he had told himself that he wasn't going to do that again. It didn't do anything. "You've got a point," he said softly to himself. He knew that he had to believe in himself. It was the only way that he was going to get Gojyo back.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Sorry for the long delay. I lost both of my beta readers. I welcome all comments.

The two men had their work cut out for them as soon as Gojyo and the woman left in the car. They had to report to their employer on Gojyo by the time the car reached its destination. The two of them went over all the material from their latest test and added it to the rest they were compiling. Looked at all of the video they had, they couldn't find anything wrong; it looked like everything went according to the plan and Gojyo appeared to be following the set script. They went over their work three times before bring it to their employer. They wanted to make sure everything was right. They didn't want to find out what the consequences would be for failing. For they had heard about others who had failed, they didn't want to be one of those or experience what the rumours lead on to.

They had enjoyed the challenge of making Gojyo into another person and they were pleased to see their method, had worked. They hadn't tried it out before. All the other methods they knew of required breaking the subject down emotionally not mentally. Both of them believed if they were able to break him down emotionally it would last longer. With destroying his emotional connection to Hakkai and replacing it with another one they would be able to get him to hold onto the new one even more. However, that didn't stop them from using some of the proven methods. Then if their boss agrees that they had in fact changed Gojyo into another person they would be able to move onto the next phase. The two of them wanted to be part of the few groups which made it to the next phase. They did know of one other group which made it to the next stage, the ones who programmed the woman for Gojyo. The next phase looked like it would be closer to what they wanted to do. It was the reason they joined the program to begin with.

When they entered the room their boss had been watching the proceedings from, he was sitting there with a grin of satisfaction on his face. They hoped the grin was with what the man had paused on the screen and not with weapon in his hand. The rumours were this man was a sadist and found any and all possible reasons to inflict pain of any kind on a person. It didn't matter if the person deserved the punishment or not. They handed over their report to the man and wait from him to tell them if they had passed. They were like a pair of children who wanted to be loved the most by the parent who didn't really care for them.

The man took his time looking over the results and all the tests the men had done on Gojyo to make sure he believed he was a different person. They stood there waiting for what felt like forever before the man had said, "Good work, you can move onto the next phase." Both of the men gave a weak smile at each other, there was something in their boss's voice which made it sound like there was a 'but' coming. "Out of the list of targets, why did you go for this one?"

Both of them took a quick glance at each other before one of them answered, "We went after this one because he appeared to be one which would come with a challenge and because you made it clear we weren't able to do anything to the man he was living with. We wanted to see if we could apply our technique to someone who had a strong emotional attachment to another without outright destroying. We wanted to see if we could get one person to change into another person without having either of them believe the other was dead. We had given Gojyo the threat of killing the man he loved in front of him if he didn't stop trying to fight us. To give up on the attachment he had, because he wouldn't be there anymore if he kept fighting. We know that could give him motivation to pretend he as being programmed, which is the reason for the test we had just run. We had given him, what looked like, a good opportunity to run away, but if he had tired, we'd have both of them now." The one thing they hadn't told their boss was it seemed like he was wanting someone to try and change this one person, more so out of anyone else on the list.

They spent a long time going through the list. They had looked at all the requirements and what they were allowed to do. Some were going to be easy and they came with little risk. They were the ones they would be allowed to kill everyone they were close to. To them that was too easy. As they took their time deciding on what they would take several of the names were coming off the list. And it wasn't surprising the ones who were first off the list were the ones which didn't require much attention. As they watched the list shrink they had decided to go after the one everyone was ignoring, Gojyo.

Their explanation brought a twisted smile to the man's face. Once again they weren't sure if it was a good thing or not, he was a hard man to judge. "What if the test you just ran, failed? And then you'd have both of them. What would have you done?"

The other started off slowly unsure of where this was going, "We were going to try again, but we were going to make both of them believe the other was dead and put the other man back at his apartment knowing it was his fault Gojyo had died. We had everything ready to try all over again on Gojyo, but it appears we don't have to. To be safe we should still keep an eye Gojyo over the next couple of days to see what he does. We want to make sure it wasn't just an act he was putting on for our own enjoyment and just waiting for us give him more room to move around in and less security." If Gojyo had tricked them, it was the best job they had ever seen. They had looked at looked at his facial expressions when he was talking with Hakkai. Admittedly there was only one section they didn't have any facial expression for, but it was too short for anything to happen and Hakkai wouldn't have seen it.

Still that twisted smile played on the man's face. "You may keep a watch over him for the next few days; I would like you to start on phase two, but whenever he goes outside of the house make sure you find out all of the people he interacts with. We don't want your hard work to go to waste. We don't need him remembering who he is and where he belongs, if we are going to get this to work."

They looked at him confused. It seemed like their boss had a different idea than what the original plan was. Whatever it is, they were looking forward to finding it out. They wanted to be set apart from the other ones they were competing against. They wanted to have the most praise out of all the people they were going up against. The higher praise they received from their current employer, the more jobs would open up for the two of them. They would even like to try to make sure the others failed; they just knew they weren't going to have the time to do that. They knew they had picked the hardest and they knew there was something different about the subject they had chosen, something they were hoping would be a good thing. And that it was something worth the risk they were taking.

"Call the driver to let him know he has the okay to drop them off and you will get in touch with them when it is time for them to go to work." Their boss said as he stood up and took his leave of them.

He took the entire file they had compiled on Gojyo. He was going to take a second look. He wanted to make sure the results were what he wanted. He needed this to work, to be able to get his plan to work. He was going to be watching this project closer than any of the other ones.


	6. Chapter 6

AN: Second chapter of the night. Again not beta read. Enjoy and comment, please.

Gojyo wasn't sure where the driver was taking the two of them, but wherever it was, it was a few hours away from Hakkai. He really wanted to be in the same city as him, there would be a higher chance of running into him and talking to him without being watched over. He didn't think he would be able to risk going there on his own, it might give it away he wasn't the other person they had fashioned for him. He wasn't going to risk them finding out he hadn't taken to the process as much as he wanted to be free from this he could not risk Hakkai's life like that.

When they finally pulled off of the highway the driver received a phone call. Gojyo could not hear what was being said – he was interested – but had no way of knowing what was being said. There was a glass in between them and the driver. He wanted to know where they were going and what was going on. He didn't like being left in the dark about what was going on. He wanted to know what they had planned for him to do, he really didn't understand on why he was the one who had been taken. He really didn't have anyone he was close to, besides Hakkai. He couldn't see any reason on why him being close to Hakkai would be the reason on why he was taken. He wanted a reason so he could try to understand why his life had been ruined by these people, but there didn't seem any way he could find out, without giving it away he was still himself. He had an idea what was going to be asked of him, with the type of person he had thought up of. It still wasn't enough for him. He knew he would have an easier time pretending to be someone else if he had more information to go off of, anyone would.

The other thing that bothered him was that he didn't have any kind of skills they would be able to use, easily. As much as it pained him, the one he thought would be of more use to them would be Hakkai. He was the smarter out of the two them. Hakkai had managed to get into University. Gojyo didn't go to University. He had been working at several mechanic shops, but nothing full time or steady. Gojyo could not see that as a reason to take him.

Over the drive he didn't try to engage the woman into any kind of conversation, it might've been the smart thing to do, but he couldn't bring himself to do that. The woman also wasn't trying to make any kind of conversation, so he didn't really want to try and push it. A couple of times he did look over at the woman to see what she was up to, she looked like she was trying to figure out where they were going as well.

He had guessed when he was introduced to the woman; she was in the same situation as him. He wondered if she had taken to the procedure or she was just playing along the same as him. He would need to find that out so he could play along just as far as he needed to and not any further. She hadn't been watching him closely or critically. She appeared to be normal, even if she was a little sad. Her brown hair was braided down her back. If he hadn't been with Hakkai he could see her being someone he would approach.

When they entered the town, it appeared to be a town for rich people. Everything looked like it was over priced and all of the cars were sitting on the side of road, they were shiny brand new and one of there were worth more than Hakkai and him would be able to make in a year. He felt disgusted at it all and wanted to go around break all the windows to the cars. It made him sick there was a town like this. He knew if this was the area he was suppose to be living in, he wasn't going to like it and he would feel like he was out of place. He knew this wasn't a place for him. He wanted nothing more then to go back to the one bedroom apartment he shared with Hakkai.

The driver took his time going through the town; Gojyo just wanted him to get through it and as quickly as possible. Gojyo could not find anything which was familiar and that unsettled him greatly. Once the driver had made it through the town he drove them down a road with huge maple trees arching over the road. Gojyo couldn't think on where they were going. He saw the odd driveway with a big ornate gate and a cedar hedge going from the gate until in met up with the arching trees.

At what felt like it was the end of the road they pulled into a driveway. The gate was black with a slight gothic style to it. It looked like they were trying to imitate a house which had been passed down from one generation to the next, but the flaw was, it looked to new. Gojyo didn't want to see what the house looked like, if the gate was that ornate. The driveway was long enough for him to start to question how big the place would be. After going around a corner he saw the lights from the house shinning out in the pale dusk of the night. He felt like he was going to get lost with the size of the house either on purpose or by accident. He didn't like anything here and he knew he never would. At least here he would be able to hide from everyone else in the house.

He started to wonder how long the two men and whoever they worked for had a planed this. More importantly he wanted to know how long it had been since he had gone missing for and how long they had tried to make him believe he was someone else. If he had to guess, he knew it was shorter then what he expected. To him it felt like it had been at least a year, but he had nothing to go off of for that guess.

Once the car had stopped and the driver gave both of them their instructions. They got out of the car and walked into the house as the car drove away. Gojyo and the woman pretending to be his wife entered the house. Everything they had told him keep this woman, he knew the only way he would be able to make it through and not to mess this up was to pretend that she was Hakkai. He felt bad about using the image of Hakkai like that, but it was going to be the only way he would be able to get through this.

Walking through the house with his arm either around the woman or his hand in hers, he couldn't find anything that reminded him of anything he had seen before. Yes, it had the same type of rooms he was used to, but there wasn't anything in them he found familiar. Everything was so lavious it looked like they had gone through a catalogue and brought the most expensive thing they could find. It was on everything from the silverware to the king sized four posted bed. Everything was new and had no value as an item which might have been passed down from one family head to the next. There wasn't one item which they could even pretend was from a past relative. All the photos of him and his 'wife' were fake. He wanted to go around to destroy everything around him, it was all a little over the top. However, he knew he had to pretend he liked it; the person he was suppose to be playing had always lived in this kind of luxury.

They walked around the house again trying to remember where everything was. He had really like the one bedroom apartment he had shared with Hakkai; this house had at least five bedrooms, at least which were how many he had found, so far. There was no way he could see all of those rooms to be filed at any one time. He knew what one of the things they wanted him to do and he was going to try his hardest to make sure it didn't happen.

They wanted him to play the loving and doting husband. Both Gojyo and his 'wife' of one year moved to town to settle down and raise a family. When they had told him that he had thought there was no way he was going to let that happen. First of all he didn't want to have any kids, they would be just too much of a pain and second he was fairly sure that this woman also had someone else outside who would want her back. He wasn't going to mess up her life as well as his. It didn't matter what they tried to do

He took a seat on one of the couches in one of the sitting rooms to sit there and think on what they wanted him to do and who they wanted him to be so he didn't mess up so soon. He would figure out how long he had been missing later. He let the woman go to the kitchen to start on their dinner.

He had turned the lights off so he could sit in the dark. He found sitting in the dark was comfortable and he was able to forget where he was. He had found out when they had tried to break him down and they had locked him in a dark room for several days at a time. Besides locking him in the dark room they deprived him of food and water for the same amount of time. He hadn't found being locked in a dark room was a bad idea; he found it easy to forget about his circumstances and pretend he was with Hakkai. He was able to lock himself up into a little bubble and have it feel like it was the real world.

_It had taken the two men a couple of weeks to realise that sensory deprivation wasn't working, at that point they had tried different techniques. Each one was worse than the last. They started to do a combination of different techniques to try and break him down to the point they would be able to start conditioning him into the person they had created for him. They put him through electroshock and then put him to sleep with a barbiturate in one arm through an IV, while shocking him wake with an amphetamine in the other. During both of those techniques one of the men would start telling him who he was supposed to be. It was always the same man. Then they would return him to his dark cell and they would still with hold food from him. If they gave him any it would not be food which would be fed to a human being. They would tease him with a proper meal and tell him he would not be able to eat it. It was only meant for Kenren. Kenren would be able to eat it once Gojyo let go of his old life._

_The one thing they didn't know, was when Gojyo was returned to his room he would remember everything there was bout himself and he would remember Hakkai. Hakkai was the one thing they could not erase. Gojyo would do this through imaging his life with Hakkai and then change what happen to him when the men picked him up from the shop. He would imagine Hakkai came and picked him up and none of this happened. Some times he would let them start to take him but have Hakkai come in while that was happening. This way the men would receive a beating, since Hakkai was very possessive of him. Gojyo didn't mind, he actually liked it._

_Gojyo didn't have any memories of what happened to him. The last thing he remembered was working on his car and then he woke up in the dark cell. He had no idea how they managed to take him, how they were able to subdue him. He knew he would have put up a fight, but he did not or could not remember._

_Once they had thought they had gotten him broken down enough they started to mould him into anther person. They had tried to do this through several techniques. They would use hypnosis on him or they would disoriented him with narcotics. All the while bombarding him with images and information of what his childhood was like and what happened._

_They had given him everything from the events happened to the character he was playing since childhood all the way up to why he had married his hometown sweet heart. Gojyo could not tell if the images there were using were real or fabricated. They made sure he was out of it so it was only a collage of images and stories. They did make sure all the family he would have had was dead, which made things easier for him. Of course he fought like hell to make sure he didn't become that person. Even with him fighting so hard not to forget who he was, the men didn't give up, so he had to try and fool them if he was ever to be free again._

_He had felt it was too much like school trying to remember everything to do with the person they were trying to get him to be. It was easy to remember what the things that were similar to his own personality and life, but he had the hardest time to get down all the little formalities he had to do when he met a person, whether it was someone he knew – like his wife – or if it was someone he didn't know at all. Each one had a different greeting and a different way he had to say goodbye to them. He really just wished he could just be himself and go home to Hakkai._

He knew sitting in the dark like this wasn't the way he was supposed to act. He really hoped there weren't any cameras or they might be asking why he had done that. He figured they would let him have a little bit of a leeway since it seemed like he had already passed the main test. He wouldn't put it past them to be keeping an eye on him just to make sure he hadn't fooled them. He got up off of the couch and made his way to the kitchen. He would see what she was making, but he knew he wasn't going to be helping; it wasn't in the script they had made for him, not that he would've been that much help. He had never been able to really help Hakkai with anything in the kitchen. He was only able to distract Hakkai, and took great pride in being able to do that and did it as often as he could.

Upon entering the kitchen he already knew there wasn't anything he would be able to help with, even if he wanted to or even if he was allowed to. It looked like she had everything being done in a certain way and he would only mess it up with trying to help. He shook his head lightly and got ready for what was going to be a long couple of weeks or however long it took him to get out of this predicament.


End file.
